I have had a rough week. Drake being so sick from his cold/ear weighs heavily on me, and I had a bout with anxiety on Monday when I took him for his new AFO measurements. The orthotist was in the same building as my OB and Maternal Fetal group. That was a big wake up call for me.
I have not been as good about praying, writing in my journal, or going to the gym as I had been over the winter. I actually did write a post about the panic attack, but I switched it to private. I need to make sure I take care of me and my mental health. I think I feel guilty for my feelings now where I used to just feel guilty that he came early. He is doing amazing. I feel like I don’t have the right to be crazy about the past anymore. I do know that is silly. We feel how we feel. All you can do is figure out how to wade through it and not get bogged down.
I hope that I can get everything back to a firm middle ground because I received news I had been waiting for. I have been accepted into an masters program, and now I have been given the green light to start my orientation period next week. This is a 14 year old goal of mine, and I really think Drake has given me the courage to pursue it. I do worry whether I can keep my little universe running smoothly, but I know my family is on my side and we can move mountains!
My six month goals are:
1. Teach Drake to raise up on his toes and the awesome gross motor things that follow.
2. Go to the gym on my regular schedule and check in with my trainer once a week. The long term goal is to get off some medicine I’m on, and just be healthy.
3. Enjoy my studies. This program will involve a lot of analysis and a lot of writing. I’m nervous about re-entering the academic world after a 14 year hiatus, but I remember how much I used to love it.
4. Go to Disney World. We have our first real family vacation planned for October. I am so excited, and we are carefully planning all our Orlando/Space Coast fun. 2 days at various Disney things, a trip to Kennedy Space Center, and a day at the beach!
I was in AFJROTC in high school, and we made many, many trips to the Houston Space Center. It has always fascinated me, and I can’t wait to see the other NASA facility and share it with Drake and the hubby. Keith and I first visited Orlando in 2009. We made the drive to and watch a shuttle launch offsite We even got certificates that have our names and the date as witnessing a shuttle launch.