19
Apr
13

Learning to “Mom”

Yesterday, I received a coupon for a portrait studio at our town center shopping area. Due to RSV restrictions, money matters and my germophobe preemie mama feelings, we hadn’t gotten any professional shots taken.

I realized Drake would be 14 months actual on Saturday and his 1 year old due date is fast approaching. I decided to treat myself early for Mother’s Day and get his portrait done. I picked out two outfits. His unable to be worn to church Easter outfit and a cute dino romper set Nana sent for his birthday.

I put all thoughts (mostly) out of my mind about the germs that are probably lurking where so many other sticky hands have roamed. I did make his appointment for the first slot of the morning, though. It has to be the cleanest, right? I would have loved to hire an independent photographer, but that’s the kind of luxury we’ve given up while I’m working part time to keep him out of daycare.

While we were waiting, another mom came in with a set of newborn twins. She managed her two infant carriers much, much more efficiently than I was managing my wanting to crawl on the floor 14 month old and diaper bag. I didn’t hear what the photographer asked precisely, but I heard 3.3 pounds and 5 pounds and then 5 weeks early. I really wanted to strike up a conversation with her, but I didn’t. I was exhausted, and insanely jealous of her 5 day NICU stay. Crazy, right?

It did make me wonder if other moms feel the same way about my 34 day stay, though. Really except for the separation and the weight gain issues and some pesky A&B’s, our NICU stay was fairly uneventful. Most of our medical episodes have been since we left the NICU behind.

I think I’d probably be  a little more on the sane side if I hadn’t had to take a ride in an ambulance with a bluish son due to reflux. My 30+ years of  RN nursing and mommy experience mother going white with fear and telling me to call 911 plays in my head all the time as we approach that day.

I wish that lady all the best. I wish I’d had the courage or inclination to strike up a conversation. Next Saturday, is our old due date. How would things have been if we’d gotten this close? Or just 5 weeks closer? What if? The bane of all preemie mamas regardless of course.

In two weeks, we have the birthday party of the little boy who was born to a friend of our family. She was due three days after me, and had her son two days before his due date. They get compared all the time, and it is sometimes such work for me to look away and not worry.

He has come so far, and he does SO SO much. I feel guilty for not just living in OUR moment.

The pictures did turn out fairly good. I spent about twice what I planned on after all. Happy early Mom’s Day to me.

Oh yeah, my mom lesson today was never, ever take a large bag of “props” to a photo shoot for a 1 year old. No clothes that wrinkle or have collars either. Do take another adult and cheerios. I think I can make D do almost anything for a handful of cheerios. Still so much to learn! 🙂

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1 Response to “Learning to “Mom””


  1. April 19, 2013 at 1:23 pm

    The lessons never end but the endless fodder for blogs never stops! 🙂


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Drake’s 3rd Birthday

February 20th, 2015

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