Posts Tagged ‘easter

22
Mar
16

Peace

I have always loved Holy Week. I grew up in a liturgical church that revolved around the seasons of the church calendar. I had dreams of these things for my new baby, but we all know the NICU brings changes and how I approach religion changed a lot.

I couldn’t be the “bring my kid to all the things” parent I thought I would be from the get go. I had anxiety about taking him around a bunch of people once we were allowed to. Things just didn’t work out. Now that we have been in the habit of watching online and not being part of a community. It is hard to go. It doesn’t help that the Mr. and I have conflicting viewpoints on the style of worship we prefer.

I have a long way to go in teaching my son to know that kind of peace you have when you know there is always someone there watching out for you and loving you no matter what. Someone who is stronger than you who and who knows your weaknesses and knows your needs before you can think them or even put them down on paper. I want to remember what it felt like when I believed I could turn all of my problems over like blowing dandelion fluff into the wind.

I use this blog to vent worry and frustration so that I can come to terms with things and feel more at peace. When I am comfortable in my own skin and with what’s going on around me, I can create that safe haven for my family that church always was for me growing up. Right now, I am just so consumed with worry. I have just an instinctive bad feeling that something is wrong, and it scares me that either I am projecting my anxiety or a mom just knows.

May you have a reflective Holy Week and a Happy Easter.

 

23
Apr
14

Easter Vacation

We didn’t go anywhere, but it was the best Easter break ever! It was the first Easter since 2012 that we were able to go to church as a family.

We were able to have Drake’s baptism at the Easter vigil service, and Nana, Papa and Aunt Amy were able to be here! I am always excited to spend time with my folks. Since moving here 10 years ago, we rarely get to spend a holiday with them and visits tend to be around six months apart.

We filled a beautiful spring week with love, laughter, and memories. It was wonderful and just what I needed.

amy bubbles baptism dinner baptism outfit blow candle cake drake baptism dinner 2 egg hulk egg hunt henry face tee ball technique

02
Apr
13

The Posts I Didn’t Write

It’s been a busy few weeks. I thought I would want to write a big, emotional post for the anniversary of Drake’s NICU graduation, 3/24, but it was a Sunday and we just took a walk and baked and decorated cookies. It felt like such a NORMAL, family hanging out day. The kind of day that makes last February feel so far away.

I did make a picture collage from go home day to now at 13 months. What a wonder to see how much he’s grown.

gradiversary collage

Two memories really stick with me from that day. We decided we didn’t want to be separated so the three of us left by way of the parking garage elevator. The same route his father and I had taken every day when leaving Drake behind. I avoided the lobby like the plague. Being wheeled out by my mom on my discharge day next to the lady with the newborn in her arms was still too fresh. The second memory was of the 30 minute drive home. He looked so miserable and tiny in that car seat. He kept his eyes shut the whole way, and I rode in the back with my finger a few inches below his nose once in a while to check his breathing.

Unlike his birthday, that was a day of joy. We all definitely felt the difference in the celebration of the anniversary.

Then last week was our 1 year clubfoot check up. We all got to wear lead aprons and do stand up x-rays at Children’s. They looked AMAZING! You could tell no difference in the structure of his left foot from his right. Yay Drake, Yay Cincy Children’s Orthopedics, Yay PONSETI, and Yay Mom & Dad for strict bracing protocol! We got the verdict that right now we only need to do 12 hours a night, and it should end at 4 years old. We are 25% done with treatment!

Easter was a bittersweet day. We so wanted it to be the day of his baptism, and that wasn’t going to happen due to RSV isolation. Then our church was going to have an outdoor 8am service that we were going to brave, but it was cold and rainy so they couldn’t have it. Mom and Dad were very disappointed. Drake loved his THREE Easter baskets, and didn’t know the difference. What a difference from last year when he was smaller than his bunny!

Will I always have those moments that make my stomach roll over? A family friend asked if we would consider more children. I said a quiet, “I prefer not to answer right now.” Unfortunately, someone overheard and it went to a situation I’d hoped to avoid. What no one knows is I’m actually on blood pressure meds that don’t even allow us to consider it right now. I have to take care of me, first. Not to mention it’s not a discussion for a family/friend Easter dinner. Sigh.

We are so blessed, and despite some bumps on the road we are so very, very lucky. Right now though, I’m not sure I’d want to consider another child who could have very, very different outcomes. Even if I could which is another whole emotional/health thing to work through.

Winter though, can go and take the yucky germs. We’re ready to play tug-of-war with his baseball allegiance (My Cubs vs. His Reds) and go to the Zoo!

Follow ups are coming in May and June for feeding, wellness, and NICU developmental clinic.

 

 




Drake’s 3rd Birthday

February 20th, 2015

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