Posts Tagged ‘family

28
Oct
13

Candid Thoughts

This is a post about me. I honestly have spent most of the past two years trying not to think about me, or trying to process the fact that many people close to me wish I would just let the past go and move forward.

In some ways, I am 100 trillion times closer to the me I was in 2011. In some ways, I will never be that woman again. I have been working really hard on myself over the past couple months now that my son is in a “more” stable place.

Mental health, identity, my true feelings on things. These are not topics that I easily discuss in person.

1. I have a short fuse. If I get annoyed, the source of my annoyance is usually going to come out in a form of word vomit that despite my southern upbringing is not very ladylike.

2. Someone close to me got into the habit of telling me that I never have anything nice, positive, or loving to say. That wounded me in a way I doubt I will ever be able to express.

3. In addition to worrying over D’s weight, development, and birth, I worry that I am way too attached to him. And way too overprotective for his own good. I’m trying to work on it, but it’s very hard.

4. I am lucky. My son is strong. We have a great therapy and medical team. I have a decent support system. Why can’t I just get over it?

A FB friend recently posted about the night before her son’s birth. She and her husband didn’t sleep, excited over their new son whose birth had just been induced. Will I ever read that kind of update and just feel happy for the people? No NICU parents will ever have that memory.

Last October, I called my mom sobbing because there is so much I feel like I can’t remember of the night/morning Drake was born. She’s an RN and reminded me that some of that is probably shock or denial, but some is that the meds you areon are amnesiacs and it’s not my fault I can’t remember.

My husband is taking a developmental psychology class this semester. The second  chapter was all about genes, birth defects, and preterm deliveries. He aced the quiz, but said it was awful studying it.

I am going to a conference next month that is working with former NICU parents on family centered care practices. I hope feeling like I am giving back deals with some of this residual stuff.

5. We have NICU clinic follow-up and IFSP meetings coming up soon. We are at the cliff’s edge of “catch up by 2”. His Developmental Interventionist has taken to warning me that they will abruptly stop adjusting his age at the state level in February. I honestly just don’t know how I feel about that stuff.

6. I haven’t felt much like posting. I feel too thankful to write ranting posts. I feel this need to feel happy so I don’t really want to write like I did today about what I worry about.

7.  This is our first Halloween. Last year, it was the day after surgery. This year we are flying monkey, lion, and tin man. Let the treating begin!

8. I joined a gym. I completely wrecked my health last year. My blood pressure when I finally had a dizzy episode and went to the urgent care last December was 175/117. I was having panic attacks over hand washing. I’ve lost about 15 pounds with many still to go. As my health gets better, my husband starts talking about his desire for another child. I’m scared to get healthy because of it. As long as I medically “can’t” it’s a tabled discussion, but I want to be healthy and here for my family. I think I should consider adding a counselor to my team.

I don’t want to be disappointed in 10 years that I could’ve gotten healthy and talked to specialists and completed our family as we’d always planned. I don’t want to send another child to the NICU just to fulfill our desire for more children. I don’t know anything about adoption or my feelings or anyone else’s about it.

9. My best advice to NICU parents is get counseling. I wish I had. I wish someone close to me had told me to. Despite this post, I am in a very good place emotionally compared to last year, but I wish I hadn’t had to claw my way to the surface alone to get here.

World Prematurity Day is next month. Wouldn’t it be nice if all babies could have a healthy start?

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05
Sep
13

Weekend Adventures

I am super duper excited.

This weekend our family is working my art college’s booth at the Cincinnati Comic Con!

That’s right! Not only are we preemie parents we’re huge geeks.

Drake’s even got his very own mini superhero outfit:

Drake, Super Preemie

Drake, Super Preemie

 

I know our family is going to have a blast doing something we love. This time last year we were already in RSV isolation due to early flu outbreaks.

What a difference a year can bring. 🙂

Happy Weekend!

20
Aug
13

Eighteen Months Old

To my awesome dragon,

Time flies.

I almost forgot today was your month day. Since you started Early Intervention, I’ve relaxed a little. I like having the weekly interaction that tells me what we’re working on well and what we can improve on. I feel like there are a couple more people on our team.

Here’s a few facts about you as you hit 1.5 years old:

Drake’s favorite toy: A mini broom. I’ve been informed that this desire to help clean will not last. Sadface.

Drake’s New Milestones: Now that we have you in new supportive shoes you are walking all over. You were so frustrated just a month ago, and it’s so awesome to see you toddle around giggling.

Drake’s favorite game: Peek-a-boo, you like to hide behind furniture and pop out laughing.

Drake’s favorite food: Cottage Cheese. You love, love it. Aunt Amy was eating some in front of you on Skype and you demanded it quite clearly. “DAT!”

Drake’s least favorite thing: Nite-Nite Shoes. No more laying still letting me put them on. It takes me, Daddy, a cup of formula, and a song. But you fall immediately asleep after.

Drake’s Teeth: 4 on top, 4 on bottom and starting 2 of big bottom ones.

Every day you look more like a little boy, and less like my 2lb baby.

Love,

Mommy

22
Jul
13

17 Months Old Adventure

Saturday D turned 17 months actual, so we woke up early and had a morning zoo adventure. It was the first time we managed to make it to the zoo right at opening. We scored a premium covered spot in the main lot.

We have a zoo membership so we skipped the ticket line and headed for the map to see what we’d like to do for a few hours. We decided on the Insect House, Carousel, and Manatee Springs as our main attractions.

The Insect House adventure started out with a scale that gives your weight in bugs! Wouldn’t that make a fun change from NICU stays measured in grams?

Drake was 2 million bugs.

Daddy was 32 million bugs.

Mommy was 20 million bugs.

We took our first family ride on the carousel. The elephant was a bit too big, but the zebra was just right!

I didn’t take any pictures in Manatee Springs. I was too fascinated by the zookeeper presentation. Confession, I ADORE going to the zoo. 🙂

Cincinnati Zoo is one of only two zoos outside of Florida that host manatees. They are a manatee rehabilitation center which means their manatees stay for a short time to get well and get reintroduced to the wild. Betsy and Woodstock are scheduled to leave sometime this fall. Manatees have small eyes and live in water that is hard to see in, so they have tons of hairs like cat whiskers all over their bodies that help them navigate in the ocean. Yay fun facts!

After the manatees, it was time to head for lunch. I have to say the nursing/family suite at the Cincinnati Zoo is also an amazing space. It’s air conditioned has comfy sofas, a great changing space, and toys for toddlers. We made a side stop for a diaper change before heading to the car. As we left, we noted the LOOOONGG lines that we avoided by going early.

We finished up with some lunch at Izzy’s Deli, and shopping at Tuesday Morning where we scored this fun plaything…

This afternoon is our first PT visit. Time to get to work! It’s hard to believe he’ll be 2 in 7 months, and then we stop adjusting for prematurity.

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09
Jul
13

Back From the Desert

The mounds of laundry are washed but not put away, work has been returned to, and our EI letters arrived yesterday.

Back to reality…

We had an amazing week. D travelled amazingly well for a 1 and few months year old that’s been mostly isolated for much of that time. We got a lot of eyebrow raises about his size at his age of 16 months, but also a lot of compliments on his mellow ‘tude.

There was the first plane ride, first gummi worms, first hike on mama’s back, and first swim. We had a blast.

The final word on EI is that he does qualify for gross motor and a speech delay. Gross motor is the walking issues, and he’s not progressing on the ‘typical’ speech path apparently. Our next meeting is to review our daily routines and concerns at the end of this week.

Sadly, the county we were staying in AZ had a tragic loss of 19 firefighters. Thank you to these brave men and their loved ones. It’s a beautiful savage country out there.

Our Grand Canyon day, it was 98 degrees at the top of the south rim and a balmy 145 at the bottom. Hiking down Bright Angel was discouraged that day. (Especially for plump easterners)!

I did have some elevation sickness. That’s what happens when a bred below sea level Louisiana girl goes up to 10000 ft.

I’m relieved about EI and relieved to be home!

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Trying to push the attendant light

 

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Swim gear! Red Headed fair skinned people need lots of coverup-ing in AZ

 

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Hiking, 5 ft from the GC. Also, ignore the fact that I still look pregnant. wtf

 

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Views, kinda obscured by smog and smoke, but still amazing in person

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Montezuma’s Castle

 

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Mom chasing adventurous son, I felt an amazing kinship with this mini Native American mama after trying to keep D off the condo stairs all week.

 

 

27
Jun
13

Vacation

We are going on our first family vacation! We still have not heard from EI about D’s results, and we should probably save our savings. But…sometimes you just have to go for it and live life, right?

We’re all very excited for this week away. Slightly less excited about the plane flight with a 16 month old. 

We’re heading to Arizona and the Grand Canyon. I’m sure we’ll have lots of interesting adventures and beautiful pictures to share when we get back.

I am going to try my best not to worry over delays and therapy, and just enjoy my little family and the fact that we made it this far. 

This time last year we were going through 23/7 bracing and worried over his hernia, and I really was not doing well. There were a lot of sleepless nights and tears as I tried to process his prematurity and my body’s failure. I wish I had taken the time to get help, but I am thankful to be feeling so much better this year. 

We leave tomorrow, and get back next Friday, so we’ll be on “internet silence”. Enjoy the summer, ya’ll! 

17
Jun
13

Happy Father’s Day

Our Father’s Day fun was delayed a few days. Drake was sick all last week, and so we have some awesome family moments planned for our short jaunt to Chicago. Daddy and I are so very excited about this first away family adventure.

My husband is awesome. Friday night he had a “Dudes Night In” with Drake and one of his friends so I could go visit my girls and see a precious 3 month old and friend I haven’t spent much time with since D was born. She had a preschooler, so her house was off limits through all of our RSV isolation periods.

Since we needed to stay in, we decided to have an indoor campout Saturday night! We blew up our air mattress and had pjs, a Eureka marathon, and snacks.

Sunday morning, Drake gifted Daddy with his new “casual kilt” and I ran out to Frisch’s for some biscuits and gravy to bring back to the boys.

We had a blast just hanging out together this weekend in spite of our son’s sniffly summer cold. Wednesday will be our big city adventure. We’ll take the train to Wrigley from our hotel downtown for a tour. Then back to the room for a nap. Then some lunch and shopping on the Magnificent Mile, and a walk on the shores of Lake Michigan and Navy Pier.  Then we’ll head back to Cincy to pick up Gammy’s dog and head back to our home in NKY. No pictures of the sleepover, but I’m sure we’ll get a bunch of our adventures in Chicago this week.

It’s a good preview of what our BIG vacation to Arizona  and the Grand Canyon in two weeks will be like. First plane flight and week away from home. Trying to stay excited and not nervous! I’m still thinking about getting a prescription to be able to present to the TSA guys for his high cal formula needs. 🙂




Drake’s 3rd Birthday

February 20th, 2015

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