Posts Tagged ‘feeding issues

22
Mar
16

Peace

I have always loved Holy Week. I grew up in a liturgical church that revolved around the seasons of the church calendar. I had dreams of these things for my new baby, but we all know the NICU brings changes and how I approach religion changed a lot.

I couldn’t be the “bring my kid to all the things” parent I thought I would be from the get go. I had anxiety about taking him around a bunch of people once we were allowed to. Things just didn’t work out. Now that we have been in the habit of watching online and not being part of a community. It is hard to go. It doesn’t help that the Mr. and I have conflicting viewpoints on the style of worship we prefer.

I have a long way to go in teaching my son to know that kind of peace you have when you know there is always someone there watching out for you and loving you no matter what. Someone who is stronger than you who and who knows your weaknesses and knows your needs before you can think them or even put them down on paper. I want to remember what it felt like when I believed I could turn all of my problems over like blowing dandelion fluff into the wind.

I use this blog to vent worry and frustration so that I can come to terms with things and feel more at peace. When I am comfortable in my own skin and with what’s going on around me, I can create that safe haven for my family that church always was for me growing up. Right now, I am just so consumed with worry. I have just an instinctive bad feeling that something is wrong, and it scares me that either I am projecting my anxiety or a mom just knows.

May you have a reflective Holy Week and a Happy Easter.

 

28
Dec
12

Christmas and The Dreaded Weight Follow Up

Looming over our Christmas celebration was the dreaded weight check on Wednesday. It was coupled with Grandma’s bout of bronchitis that she came down with two days after keeping Drake for us.

So far no signs of cold or respiratory issues from the little guy, thank God. However, it just really brought home how vulnerable he is even with limited contact. It feels like everyone in our world is sick right now.

Christmas consisted of Mommy and Daddy taking turns poking holes in packages and trying to get him interested. At 10 months, you are apparently only interested in eating the bows. He did perform pretty well for two sets of video conferencing of our families though. We skyped my parents and sister in from Louisiana and we facetimed my husband’s mom and grandmother in (see bronchitis above), so despite preemiehood and RSV lockdown all grandparents got to witness the first ignoring of the gifts for the bows!

Wednesday morning, we woke to the pitter patter of freezing rain and sleet hitting the roof. Luckily, road crews had pre-treated all the main roads so it wasn’t too bad getting him to his pediatrician’s office.

After a short wait in the well child waiting area, we were called back. Side note, as part of my preemie mom issues I always try to get the 8am appointment before other germ infested people have been touching all over the waiting area.  We went through the feeding questions and then came time for the SCALE. I really did hear JAWS music, I swear.

15.5lbs

After a month of extra feedings and new foods, that’s all we get. 12 oz  in 4 weeks. So then we waited for the doctor to bring his growth chart in. 15.5 was definitely not enough to get him back on his 1% track.

His pediatrician decided we should lay off some of the newer foods and resume 26 calorie/ounce formula feedings. My heart sank, and I was flashed back to the NICU and our metabolic scares. I knew he hadn’t gained enough just by looking at him, so it really shouldn’t have been a great shock.

Then came the time for the rest of his physical. His doctor took a much longer time with the stethoscope than normal, so I started thinking oh no respiratory infection.

“Have we ever checked out a murmur?” he asked me.

“Nope, everyone from his Neonatologist to the resident during June Refluxisode to you has heard it, but then not found it again.” I answered.

“Oh, but he has been seen by cardiology?” WTF?

No, he has not. And so with failure to thrive and now a very distinct murmur we have a cardiology referral.

So to keep our fun day after holiday streak going, we have an EKG and Cardiology appointment at Children’s on the 2nd.

Then, I realized I scheduled his 12 month wellness on his birthday. Here son, we can’t have a big party for you because of RSV lockdown oh and HERE ARE THESE AWESOME SHOTS! Best mom ever, right?

C’mon 2013, you can do better than 2012!

 




Drake’s 3rd Birthday

February 20th, 2015

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